Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
