One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my phone needs a breathalizer
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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