I want to walk on stilts...naked
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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