The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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