I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
