My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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