while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
