Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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