I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
