It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
