Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize