1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just want nice things and good sex
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
