and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he was CRYING into my vagina
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
