...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
