I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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