i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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