he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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