the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
