oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
