yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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