Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
