you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
