we have pet lesbian snakes
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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