i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
