And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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