i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
