I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
