Tell her she can't have a vagina
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We have so much sex to catch up on
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
