I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
