I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
