I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
