just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
