I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
