garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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