She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
