i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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