just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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