I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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