I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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