I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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