Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
