Do vagina's smell?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
