dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
