I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize