lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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