First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
