I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
