My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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