i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
no, he came in my armpit
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize