i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
