wrigley field is MILF paradise
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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