Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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