this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
