just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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