Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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