u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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