I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
