Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
