I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
