Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
