Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
