Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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