I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
