if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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