You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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