Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize