batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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