I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
