life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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