I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
