Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
