could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
