Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
