I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Randomize
