Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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