I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
