fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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