So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
