I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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