you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you didnt know i had herpes?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
