get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
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