Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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