Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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