forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
