Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
