why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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