that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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