awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
