you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
