five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm like, not good at living.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize