omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
