More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
