This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
