Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
