everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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