Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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