Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
