the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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