Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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